Tag Archives: brotherhood

helmet and armor

Men Need Men

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(A four-minute read)

If you’re a man, and lonely for a friend, or need encouragement, you need a man in your life, not a woman.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not putting down women. They are lovely and empathize well and are more likely to express their feelings overtly than a man. I married a woman, and she’s great!

But I’ve found that women in general are not as good at keeping me accountable as my male friends. And accountability is a critical thing in the life of men.

There are two reasons why I need men for this. One, my biggest challenges are not the same as a woman’s. That Mars-Venus thing is real. Two, there are things I can only share with a man, and won’t share with a woman, not even my wife.

Men Save My Life

Finding men to whom I can be accountable is an important survival tactic. I won’t thrive without it. These guys help keep me from avoidable (read: stupid) mistakes. They tell me the truth. They help me turn back to what’s right when I stumble.

The race of life is not a sprint. Nor is it a marathon. It’s not even a relay race. It’s a combination of the three. I run the race of life for the long haul, as fast as I can, but I do it in the midst of other runners whom I trust. We stick together.

These runners keep my eye on God’s horizon, so I stay on his narrow way, instead of wandering off into the weeds somewhere. It takes focus and dedication and thinking a different way than the world does. It works better in a group.

Men also keep me from freaking out. Don’t succumb to a spirit of fear, guys. You have power, can act in love and – in community – have a sound mind.2

Don’t Go Alone

Why did I add ‘in community’ here? Look at the context (2 Timothy 1:7-9). It’s about us: God has not given us; God who has saved us and called us; not by our works; His…grace which was given us.

Christian men can forget we must be an us not a me. We’re in this together – like it or not – but are all too often tempted to go it alone.

I was called to account on this just today – the day of this writing. I have a weekly call with a friend and in the course of our talking through what God is doing, what we are doing, where things are going, what we want to pray about, I mentioned that I want to learn more about the Fear of the Lord.

My friend immediately suggested we do that together, for accountability.

I’m abashed. I hadn’t thought of that. I forgot the point of this essay, that men are strong in community and weak alone. So I’m preaching to myself here.

Think about King David’s so-called Mighty Men. They were mighty because they were together as a force. Scripture shows that they were mighty as individuals, but they were much more mighty as a team. Read 2 Samuel 23:8-39 in this light. Of course in those days and in that culture how many foes they had slain was the mark of achievement.

Nowadays we are still in battle, but the weapons of our warfare are generally not for hurting flesh and blood as in David’s day. Instead, they are mighty for keeping our minds and hearts free of all the junk and lies the world throws at them.3 These weapons help us take territory from the enemy of God, the devil, and those who serve him. Too many of our family, friends and neighbors have been deceived into unwittingly doing the enemy’s bidding.4 We must fight on their behalf.

Even the Mightiest Can Fall

David himself fell into his great sins of adultery with Bathsheba, and the cowardly murder of her husband Uriah, because he didn’t stick with his men. He went off alone. It was in the spring of the year when kings go out to battle that David stayed back in Jerusalem, vulnerable and alone. He separated himself from his men.3

Men need one another. Let’s never forget that. Culture says otherwise, but don’t listen to it. Culture says men function best as individuals, that we can choose our own destinies. This is not true. The African proverb proves right here: alone we can only run fast, but together is how we run far.

Running fast, being alone, may get us to a destiny first, but we will find no one is there to celebrate with us. No one shares our victory. Running far, in our own groups of Mighty Men, gets us all successfully to the end of the race. And we will be victorious.5 And we will all celebrate together.

1. Romans 12:1-2 (MSG)
2. 2 Timothy 1:7
3. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
4. 2 Samuel 11:1
5. Philippians 3:12

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hands making a heart

Thoughts on Equality

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This is part of an ongoing series about the Ministry of Reconciliation.
A three-minute read.

Reconciliation (noun) /ˌrek.ənˌsɪl.iˈeɪ.ʃən/:The process of making two opposite beliefs, ideas or situations agree

Read the entire series

Two centuries ago a group of Christians from my church in South London were instrumental in ending slavery in the British Empire. Great men and women all: people of bold faith, humility, perseverance and skill. Their desire was for an equitable society.

We are still working on it, but thank God: we are still working on it! We have not given up. Progress is being made. Is it ever fast enough? Of course not. But, who do we remember? Who do we teach about? By and large they are the light-skinned ones.

We celebrate them, of course. But let’s also celebrate the dark-skinned ones: Olaudah Equiano, Mary Prince, Ottobah Cugoano.

Would the light-skinned ones have fed the fire had it not been for the dark-skinned ones who lit the match? I don’t know, but I expect not, or at least not as quickly.

One slogan of the UK abolition movement was, ‘Am I not a man and a brother?’ This remains a relevant question, although we might broaden the language today for more political correctness.

Regardless of all that, the answer from the world of reconciliation is, ‘Yes. Yes you are.’ Indeed we all are, as we’re all made in the image of God, even those of us who don’t currently believe in Him.

I offer this response about reconciliation with humility because I always come from a place of ignorance, whatever the color of your skin, whatever your background. There is much I don’t know and will never know about my dark-skinned friends, simply because I’m a light-skinned friend.

But may I say it: even though the dark-skinned ones have the light-skinned vision broadcast to them endlessly from all corners all their lives, they truly don’t know our lives either.

Many of them are my beloved brothers and sisters, my friends, and in some cases my prayer partners and confidants. But, because the world can categorize us by the color of our skin we did not and will not have the same experiences.

But isn’t that the way of life? Even when I am as like as possible to another person, we are separated by more than skin.

The truth is that I don’t know anyone’s life but my own, not truly. Certainly not someone’s inner life. Not even my wife’s, whom I know better than anyone. ‘For what man knows the things of a man, except the spirit of man which is in him?’ 1 Or put another way, ‘After all, who can really see into a person’s heart and know his hidden impulses except for that person’s spirit?’ 2

I can converse with my dark-skinned friends about racial justice issues all I want. But I will never be able to say truly and fully, ‘I know how you feel,’ or ‘I know how it was.’ Nor can they about me, actually. But we can share matters of the heart: love, fear, joy, pain, anxiety, certainty; hopes, dreams and expectancy; all those invisible, eternal things.3 Those are common to us all.

So let us begin there. Those are our common ground. That’s where our reconciliation begins: in humility and vulnerability.4 That was Christ’s model. God humbled himself to appear in the world as a human being. Divine and living a perfect life, yet vulnerable. As a baby, as a boy, as a man killed brutally and unjustly for the crimes of others. For me. For you. Because of me. Because of you.

As I attempt to approach all these ideas with humility and vulnerability, I should be able to ask the same of you. All of us are equal or none of us is. As for the ignorance I experience? So long as I don’t use it as a shield to avoid my deficiencies, I’ll be all right.

1. 1 Corinithians 2:11
2. 1 Corinthians 2:11 (TPT)
3. 2 Corinthians 4:18
4. 2 Corinthians 5:18-21

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